6 New Rules Of Sex Appeal

Leo, Beckham, Clooney: Rich, powerful, admired. But their appeal goes beyond fame or earning power. Call it charisma, call it confidence. Social scientist Catherine Hakim, Ph.D., calls it "erotic capital" and wrote a book with the same title. It's that certain something, she says—a combo of liveliness, sex appeal, physical beauty, fitness, charm, style, and yes, sexual competence. Oh, is that all? Don't feel daunted—erotic capital can be learned. "It's how these men behave and carry themselves," says Susan RoAne, the author ofHow to Work a Room. Out of the way, Clooney. Liveliness Whether you're grabbing the mike at karaoke or just cracking jokes all night, your good vibes are contagious, says sex therapist Brandy Engler, Psy.D. "We feel a sense of self-expansion around people who are enthusiastic about life." Flaunt Your Wit Funny guys get laid: In a study in the journalIntelligence, men with a solid sense of humor reported having more casual sex. Comedian Steve Lemme suggests the "callback"—a humorous reference to things you've already talked about. ("I'm headed to Bermuda this summer—I know, not as nice as [insert her hometown here]"). It shows you're witty—and you've been listening. Spice Up Your Dates Invite her along for an activity you feel passionate about—even if it's bass fishing. "Do something that makes you feel full of life," says Engler, author ofThe Men on My Couch. Help her cast the line, say, and engage all her senses—the feel of the line, the ripples of the water, the stink of the bait. That's passion. Physical Beauty Sure, genes matter: Facial symmetry, masculinity, and skin tone all provide erotic capital, says Hakim. In a 2014 study inPsychological Science, women favored men with wide faces for short-term relationships, perhaps because they saw them as more dominant. Bad genes? Don't worry. Try this plan. Enhance your jaw Facial hair is male makeup: It covers flaws and enhances assets. A five o'clock shadow highlights a good chin, says Danny Baptista, owner of The Stepping Razor Barbershop in Brooklyn, while a short beard can create the illusion of symmetry and add bulk to a weak chin. Trim cheek whiskers using the 2 or 3 guard 1/4" to 3/4") on your clippers, he advises. Let the hair on your chin and jaw grow slightly longer. Smooth Your Face A craggy mug will cramp your style. In winter, use a cleanser meant for dry skin, and then add a facial cream before heading out, says John Romano, M.D., a cosmetic dermatologist at Weill Cornell Medical College. Sexual Attractiveness There's no Instagram filter to help you achieve this. Sexual attractiveness involves not only the shape of your body but also the way you move and talk, says Hakim. Fake The V Step one: Start doing the workouts on our website. In the meantime, fake a V-shaped torso—widely considered the male ideal—with this trick from Sarah Lee, executive creative director for Bombfell, a clothing subscription service: Wear a light-colored T-shirt with a thick stripe across the shoulders and chest. "This brings your eye upward," she says. A tee that's tighter across the top and just grazes your belly will add to the V-shaped illusion. Conquer Space In a U.K. study, women rated men as more attractive when the men's posture conveyed dominance—sitting with their arms and legs open while gesticulating and touching a nearby person, versus sitting with arms crossed and legs together. "When you take up space, you exude confidence," says RoAne. Conversational Skills Politics aside, President Obama is a brilliant orator, a skill that undoubtedly won him votes. Likewise, the ability to skillfully work a room can win you a woman's vote of confidence, says Hakim. Stand Straight Tall guys are naturally seen as charismatic, a recent Dutch study found. But you can fake it if you need to: Stand with your shoulders back, open your arms, and look people in the eye when telling a story, says RoAne. Spotted a gorgeous woman? Meet her gaze and smile; you'll create intimacy before you even approach. Once you start talking, ask her name, and then use it later. Target Your Flirting Motivation still matters: Guys who flirted just for fun were viewed as less attractive than guys whose motives were genuine toward the women they chatted up, according to a recent study inSex Roles. "It's about making her feel special," says Rachel DeAlto, author ofFlirt Fearlessly. So save your best material for when you're vying for a date. Social Presentation Think of this as Don Draper domain: dressing and styling your hair in a way that conveys social status and style, says Hakim. Rock The Side Part In a 2013 Great Clips survey, 60 percent of people said the classic side part is among the greatest men's hairstyles of all time. Opt for a fade, which keeps the look clean, but maintain your natural hairline, says Baptista. Thinning on top? "Go short," he says. "And get a supertight fade on the sides to balance the missing hair." Upgrade Your Suits Men who wear custom suits give better first impressions than those in off-the-rack attire, according to a British study. But department store suits can fit as if they were tailored just for you. Just make sure the shoulder pads don't extend past your shoulders, the jacket hits about halfway down your butt, and you can comfortably sit down. A tailor can easily adjust hem lengths or even take in the sides or center back of the jacket, says Lee. Sexual Competence Sex drive alone won't translate to being a stud in the sack, says Hakim. More critical than libido is "erotic imagination," a creativity and playfulness with a woman in bed-and beforehand. Show Your Strength You know the scene inCrazy, Stupid Lovewhere Ryan Gosling picks up Emma Stone,Dirty Dancingstyle? It really works. "Your physical prowess can be a turn-on," says Engler. "It's an exaggerated expression of masculinity, allowing her to feel soft and fragile." Flaunt your strength as a form of out-of-the-bedroom foreplay: Wrestle playfully, or pin her against a wall for a kiss. Adapt Your Encounters There's a script for great sex: initiation, kissing, foreplay, intercourse, afterplay. But you should also read her moods, says couples therapist Lisa Thomas, founder of onlinecouch.com. If she's had a bad day, try the soft-and-sensual approach. After a night of dancing, playful domination might do the trick. MEN YOU SHOULD MIMIC by Sociologist Catherine Hakim, PH.D. STYLE GEORGE CLOONEY Embrace the classics—dark, tailored suits and crisp white shirts, suggestsMHexecutive fashion director Brian Boye. Add a neatly folded pocket square. CHARISMA BARACK OBAMA "Before you walk into a room, smile as if someone just told you a terrific joke," says public speaking coach Jay Heinrichs, author ofThank You for Arguing. RHYTHM CHANNING TATUM Gotta dance? With your feet at hip width, relax your shoulders and knees and bend your elbows, says pro dancer Glenn Allen Sims. Now move to the beat. CHARM COLIN FARRELL Look into one eye and then the other, says Heinrichs. Shifting your gaze keeps you focused and makes you look attentive without seeming creepy. From Mens Health Magazine